On Thursday, March 7th, my life changed forever. I was woken up before daylight, by my brother-in-law. He said the words that no wife whose husband is in the hospital would ever want to hear...."I'm sorry, he's gone!" At first it seemed like a bad dream that I still feel like I'm going to wake up from at some point. I can't believe that I'm a widow now, I'm only 34 years old! This wasn't supposed to happen!
It's been six weeks and those words still play in my head over and over on a daily basis. Somehow, I find the strength to get myself out of bed each morning and start another day without him. I know my life will be forever changed, but to picture my life without my husband in it at this point is too painful to even bear. I try to trick my mind into believing that he's just out somewhere and will be coming home to me any minute. I see him in my dreams almost every night now (I didn't at first in the beginning), each dream ends the same way though, he's gone. When I'm home I still think I'm going to hear his keys opening our front door any second, but it never happens.
As I struggle to get through life and allow myself to heal, I want to share my journey with you. I've found by reading stories of others in a similar situation it has been very helpful for my healing process. I also hope that someday I will be able to look back on this blog and realize how far I've come.
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